It’s been a long time since I last wrote here, so I made something new based upon a mixture of feelings I’ve encountered around so here it is……Ladyblue!
I’ve been thinking about you lately, the things we went through, our time together, memories that seem to slowly fade away. I think about how it might have been, if we would of stayed, fighting relentlessly until the end of days… how would of it been… I knew i wanted you for the rest of my life the day i walked into your eyes, the Oh so brown eyes that give me goosebumps even now. Your absence has made my world a very hollow place, an empty space that lies between death and crazy, an addiction, the emotional and physical need of your silhouette roaming the shadows of my darkened room.
Where are you? I hear the shadows scream..
Where are you?
Do you still remember me?
Are you thinking of me now?
And if so why wont you show yourself?
Why do you hide your hands from me?
I have this image, our first moment together, Us walking down the shoreline holding hands and your lips utterering the words that will forever haunt me: “You think too much” I heard you say and then the waves of the all so violent sea went ahead to break the uncomfortable silence that surrounded us for a minute… I still remember the last time I saw you, glowing like you always did, the unmatchable tearstained eyes you have…
Why do you hide from me?
Why wont you let me know you are still alive?
I dreamt about you last night, standing at your doorstep, Knocking, trying to open the forbbiden door that you sealed that day… winter has arrived and with the cold october wind comes the melancholic state of mind that usually invades my mind, I still remember the first winter we spent together, sleeping next to me while i tried to lose myself in the deep labyrinth of your closed eyes, the warmth of your body next to mine, the way you curl your hair while you calmly drift off to neverland…
Why did you have to leave?
Have you lost your will to fight?
The years will pass, seasons will change and as my body ages and my spirit fades, and as time makes way into your mind and whatever is left of me eventually dies, I’ll be there, thinking of you, wishing you were here, standing next to me, explaining me the 100 things you hate and love about me, and how you hate to see me cry and how I should stop smoking because I will die of cancer and leave you alone with the kids, holding my hand as if it were to run away, asking me to hold you, telling me you will never let me go…