Excerpt from “You Have Been Erased” By Sergio Nafarrate
Since Saturday night, the lonely thought of you would come back to haunt me every night, until it came on daylight as well, then I was in heaven for a little tad of time until I started to realize that all this thinking started to become useless and would keep me idealized and stupefied on something unreachable. That’s when I knew, everything good must come to an end.
Before I let you go I’m going to think you once again divine; I’ll make room for you in my imagination for another moment before you stop existing. Holding you close in my mind seems ideal, it feels so good but damn, it damages me insanely… A week ago I never thought I’d end up crossing these limits, erase every trace of you, get rid of my bedroom’s wallpaper, burn down entire pictures. If you only knew I’ve missed you so much you’d support the thoughts I have of getting rid of your memories, not like it matters anyway, you never came.
A product of my imagination with unlimited power. If you only had been in front of me, would you have been like I elaborated you in my mind? You were such a delight, so charming, I stood amazed. I did think that you would take me someday; with the face down, hoping that one day you would come back.
I come aboard to the end, I close my eyes and yet you’re here again, always with that red blouse that I love so much, your hair, usually brushed away from your forehead and with your fingers you’d brush it away again for every strong airwave that would kiss both our faces.
And I, I can’t move, gazing upon you seems fair enough, despite all the kissing and hand grabbing I pictured, the sole image of you, there, like walking in a snowy winter night down at Broadway in front of me, smiling in the middle of a crowd. It makes 18 years of life worth living again, perhaps extraordinaire. After that, the last thing I could think of, is how this was only a dream, I could even smell you as I approached you to grab your hand with your beautiful red nails and those perfect eyes, so out of space, crying because I knew that that was to be the last time I’d see you, couldn’t help it, really… Couldn’t hold the shed tears back, not that I was sad though, it was mostly the feeling of being there, for the fact that I couldn’t believe how brilliant and potentially it was to have you right there, in front of me, building up our love way beyond the sky, this heart race rocketing to the unknown. We’d finally end up making love in a room I didn’t recognize at all, making love to each other for the very first and last time. In that blessed moment I knew I never wanted to go back home, I was pretty sure you were my new home.
Alas… The song ends and I open up my eyes again, I already miss you like a mad man. And I wish so hard that you were here next to me, laying your head on mine, smiling, silent, enjoying the moment with the eyes closed listening to the quiet melody I have been playing on my computer’s media player, calmly shuffling off the world inside our minds. But the worst has come to be, the time where I must stand up tall and erase you. Dreaming of you for one last time, my girl of the moon-like eyes, my current only one wish, I give up.
As you decided to stay away I decided to erase you last night as I finished a bottle of rum, me alone.
You remain in these words, this is my memory of you, the rest is just debris, and you no longer exist, heartbreak.
And I’ll be here hoping that one day you may come back. Sadly, your inexistence is now your existence.