I’ve tried to make it all alright. (I fail everytime I do.)
I left my house at midnight sobbing, pressed up to the windowpane losing my concentration in the pitter-pattern my breathe played with its glass searching for something that’d get me out of this place, the smoking breathe in my hands is mapping roads and roads in search of something greater than the person I’ve become heading out to who knows where and sick of being someone I do not admire. If Caesar died then shall I because the world never seemed smaller in this world of evil. I’ve always had a wild imagination and it’s breaking through my heart, such a wild combination.
Which one’s the water and which one’s the sky? It’s all the same to me, I count the hours as my night goes by because it takes real damn guts to be alone when no spirit’s walking by your side to offer a hand to lean on nor breathe upon your shoulders as you shuffle off the world going from head to head. I am lost in the crowd, standing in line, I’m feeling so down and I am full of doubt watching flying planes fade away to the great unknown, yet looking back and waving goodbye to the town I love knowing I’ll never go back. Is this the line between tough and crazy? Is this where I’m supposed to get drunk and pass out on the walkside over some place I barely recognize? Tonight I hate this fucking town.
My strength aflames, my efforts worthless. (I fail everytime I do)
I look to the silhouette of my heart as its barely-working parts enter separation in the caesarean section, filling itself with wounds that cut in and cut out leaving it shattered and when I compare it to the look of the sky; I give thanks for this hollow chest I no longer feel. Sóle survivor from sight to sight in a heartless town where I give in to the emptiness of a dream now reduced to ashes, for my heart has a withered flower that it’s the rain and not the sun that helps it bloom. I’m sinking and stuck in deadly rhythm, black and white the whispers above my disbelief invite these crazy thoughts to go borderline and spill the last drop of sorrow. I’ve had a pretty hard life for such an easy heart. Makes me travel back to that scene, how’d I end up feeling so bad?… I think about you all the time, it’s real hard to deal with the action of you laying there, breathless, so still, not smiling nor moving, I’ve been thinking some of suicide but so many thoughts stop me. I had to taught myself how to grow old and now I hope I won’t die alone and dwelling in misery. Splendid isolation killing me so take me away before I melt into the ground.
This mirror casts some sort of blue led lights that shimmer slowly through my mind… Oh well it comforts me. The frown back home carries my eyes towards the soil that has left my mind bruised and astray. For quite some hours has the ocean caused a typhoon razoring back through my dry skin, my limits have almost been crossed. I have known you forlorn, I’ve turned your last sound low, I have done you so much harm and I can’t possibly explain how deeply sorry am I and no, you’ll never know what it feels like to be this way so spare me the life because it’s all done and that being said I don’t think it’s the end, yet I’ll have to keep going. A broken heart fickles and it’s so fucking complicated too. I hope I never have the time to show what I can depart, and be lonely; again as I stroke my chest through the loop I once wore so long. How do I stay in line with all the changes and all that stays the same? And how do I leave the past that’s forged what I am? Will I ever lie down in the same place with all I love? I’m afraid this has been building up for far too long.
I think to all the love I’ve got (I get up everytime I do)
First breath after coma, three days of static, a complete and utter failsafe and the whole land is a landmine. For your consideration this scene pulls me forward being in-between. A scene that’s a world that turns its back on me each day, each and every day despite of what I do. I’m in dire need of a break, a pause, maybe I’m just tired, but love, one day you will shine on me that’s faith, it’s the one thing that keeps me away from the only other choice in my life: death, because I can’t bear to walk this earth alone, it’s like a combination of drugs that has left me hopeless and lost, I want to count my ways out but I will fall again in the attempt. Is there no help for the widow’s son? It takes more than one kind of telescope to see the light when there are no connections. Yet I need to understand that remedies are worse than the sickness itself.
But then I’ll never know how it feels to be alive until I die. And for now as I stay I’ll make you time to get even further in the deepest hollows of my heart as I’ll let you fill everything that is empty within my present. You’ve certainly gone from drawing paradise to colouring this area within me which I had tried not to let anyone in. All I can do now is fight against this reckless force that’s driving me insane and love you with my whole heart while I have the chance. I don’t know why my world has to shatter in pieces from time to time. Now I think an angel might of sent you, I’ve been so broken these last months that I can make up things in my head pretty easy and I realized that stepping out will never keep my pace out of this pain.
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