windows22There was never a road to paradise, just a path we paved for ourselves and a shadow, the same one we thought was the person we loved but all it was, all it will ever be is an unfulfilled dream or fantasy. You’ve always been kind of like a jewel on a crown to me, without you, it’s all incomplete, like a fish without fins or birds without wings.

I’m tired of feeling lost, afraid and misunderstood. Tired of wondering if I’m letting someone down by the choices I’ve made. I’m tired and tired of getting my feelings hurt, my ego bruised and my heart broken. Tired of showing these called emotions. I’m tired of being me and weak… of trying to be this person I cannot see. Tired of the pain and all the struggly I’ve put upon myself. Tired of not being the person I used to be, of hiding, of hoping, of healing. I’m just tired.

If it’s okay to be who I am, then why is it not okay for someone to keep me close? I get turned away. My soul is tired and my body is very wasted. My collar heart is sinking low and these eyes of mine got teary just because I know I could have done something different, could have said something different, could have been someone different.

I’m tired of all the hard work of healing, tired of failing and falling. I’m tired of things, people and their notions. Tired of their motions and their commotion. I’m tired of everything inside and out, of hating.

All I get is heartache whilst all I want is happiness, all I want is for someone to. – I don’t want to be rejected. How can I not be the problem after so many failed relationships? I’m too nice maybe, or too emotional, I worry to much perhaps or I talk too much. Maybe I’m too faithul. My heart hurts and it shouldn’t right now. Not now that the fight is so hard.